A junior colleague of mine, Bolaji Sikiru, though I call him BJ, once engaged me in a discussion. I wanted to know from him why men shy away from getting married. I wanted to know reasons why women seem to be more interested in settling down than the men.
Truth is when a man begins to date a woman and even professes undying love for her, as soon as the lady begins to want more; like asking him when he will come to ask for her hand in marriage, oftentimes, it almost puts a grinding halt to the relationship.
BJ’s response, completely threw me off balance; I was expecting him to say things like; Vera, it is for economic reasons that we shy away from marriage, or at least something better than what he told me, these were his exact words, “Vera I believe that condoms are far cheaper than pampers”.
He explained further, to me that it is cheaper to maintain a girlfriend than a wife! Readers, I need you to agree with me that this is criminally wrong. I was livid.
In fact, I am still livid; the reason is because men leave all the pushing, persuading, and convincing of getting married to us women. The ironical part of this is that, when we manage to get them to marry us, they begin to enjoy the marital bliss.
Their once upon a lonely house becomes a home. If you watch newly married men, you can tell they are at peace with themselves and the world. Some of them begin to gain weight, why won’t they; when there is always ready made hot and delicious meals waiting for them at home after a long day’s work.
They get home not house, and everywhere is all tidy and well kept. Who wouldn’t want that? Ironical isn’t it?
Ideally, women love security. We want commitment from the men; it makes us feel responsible and respectable; I do not see why an average man will continue to run away from tying the knots. Fortunately, these days’ women are more of assets to the men than liabilities.
These days, I days, I dare say that women are more supportive of their men, financially, morally, etc, just name it, and the woman is there for you. If you are paying for the wedding hall, the women are picking one bill or the other. Yet, the men are still afraid of commitment.
According to Matthew Fitzgerald, a relationship correspondent, “men love their freedom. For many guys, the very thought of making a commitment to one woman for the rest of their lives is enough to send them springing for the hills, the dreaded “word” implies compromise, loss of independence, the sacrifice of sexual variety, and the looming spectre of financial devastation.
According project, a recent study showed that men today are overwhelmingly apprehensive about getting married.
So, what can be the reason for this phenomenon? These are possible reasons why men are evasive when it comes to commitment. Men love their freedom – Men are extremely independent by nature.
They like to make their own rules and make their own decisions. Some men feel that getting married will ‘cage’ them. They feel they will lose their free lifestyles, like hanging out with the boys after work, having no need to explain anything about their movement to anyone especially women.
Some men shy away from getting married for fear of having to live with one sex partner forever, sadly but sincerely some men naturally crave sexual variety.
When a man commits to a woman in marriage, they believe they willingly volunteer to cut themselves off from any other sexual pursuits.
They believe sexual boredom can set in followed by a total lack of desire, this is so wrong. Truth is men can actually teach their women to be very sexually active. That way, there will be no room for boredom.
I am also aware that in many cases, men tend to have a fear of making the wrong decision. They fear marrying the wrong women. From the man’s perspective, imagine getting married to a woman you think you love but then a ‘better’ woman comes along. You end up kicking yourself for making the wrong decision and marrying too quickly.
Hey! Whoever told the menfolk that one woman is better than the other? Hmmm, I am just wondering, painfully too, there are some men who are not ready to have children. They believe there is no need to.
Since they are not ready for child, they don’t want to put themselves into a marriage that will supposedly bind them to one woman. If by accident, these categories of men get a girl pregnant, they simply move on and won’t have to be a real father to the child.
They either disappear altogether or give the money away to pay her off (or so they think) in order to stay away. Some men that are wealthy fear losing it to a bad marriage.
They fear that if they get divorced she could get everything and they don’t want that. A larger percentage of men that are not financially stable, sometimes tend to be afraid to go out on dates afraid they wouldn’t be able to afford a nice lunch.
Even if he is able to pick a fair lunch bills, he still feels the responsibility that comes with raising a family.
The summary is this: men tend to chicken out from the idea of marriage. There are many men that do like the idea of marriage and the idea of raising a family; but many men today are simply afraid of divorce, some grew up in a generation that had known divorce than any other which is why they prefer to make sure that they are making the right decision.